I will have you know that I bothered my friend all day yesterday for updates.

I told her that we the people NEED TO KNOW. We require MORE INFORMATION.

Hold onto your hats kittens because you are not gonna BELIEVE what I finally got back.

Here we go…

First, a recap.

My friends mom said she has a secret raccoon named Rocky who died of stress related side effects due to all the fake lawns in their community. Rocky was laid to rest by her brother in law at White Rock Beach.

See yesterdays story for screenshots because I did not make this up!

Ok. All caught up?

Like I said I harassed her all day yesterday for more information.

She ignored my texts.

Until 9:22pm when I got this:

uh oh.

I hate being informed I will not be pleased.

I was not prepared for what came next.

(my fave “really. are you kidding me” gif)

WHAT?

ROCKY IS ALIVE??

We mourned. We lit candles. We had a wake. We sang songs. We cried.

Nicole even made this in honour of Rocky’s passing.

Has he risen?

I mean it WAS just Easter.

Ok.

Has SHE risen?

Is this like finding an image of Jesus on a grilled cheese sammich?

St. Rocky. Patron saint of astroturf and retirement communities.

What is happening here?

I feel like i am in bizarro world.

Rocky is NOT dead but SHE HAD A BABY.

My friend has a raccoon nephew.

Original Rocky was chucked onto the sand by her brother in law? WHAT? mean.

Did a racoon actually pass on from stress related side effects or were we all being pranked?

WHO IS LYING HERE?

I am so confused.

I asked about the baby.

I was sent a screenshot from a conversation between my friend and her sister.

SO.MANY.QUESTIONS.

But I needed a moment to regroup and get my thoughts together.

I must note that this a group chat and Leyanne is witness to these shenanigans.

Are you as confused as I am?

Rocky was not dead, she was in labour.

There is now a baby Rocky and my friend is an aunt. Or maybe an older sister considering this is all happening to her mother.

I don’t know. It’s all very convoluted.

Nothing was buried and we don’t know if her brother in law was even involved and if anything was chucked onto the beach.

Clearly I needed clarification.

I will note that her response took a while but it eventually came through neatly summarized..

WOW.

truly, it really isn’t at all surprising.

STILL SO MANY QUESTIONS.

I may have poked the bear a little hard but I feel my journalistic integrity is at stake here.

I mean I do appreciate her getting us more details and some of the back story, even if it took all day.

I really do!

But I wasn’t done asking questions.

If you are still here reading bless your heart.

Dare I ask about the heron?

sorry mom. Your daughter will no longer be calling.

I asked.

Obviously.

One day I will write a book based entirely on the weird animal stories she texts me.

Jim and Harry and Skittle and so many others.

But for now I decided to let the saga of Rocky the raccoon be what is it.

I only had one more follow up question.

There you have it.

That is all she wrote. Literally.

We are not sure what happened to mama but I believe mama is probably ok and is out getting food for herself to have the strength to feed baby. I don’t think her brother in law did anything.

Her tiny blond mother is on her deck probably hissing and yelling at anyone who comes near Baby Rocky so we know baby is safe.

Also Julie made a “baby raccoon, no trespassing” sign.

My friend has blocked her entire family because she needs rest but I am still golden.

As it should be.

Say a little prayer for Baby Rocky.

Thanks for hanging out with me.

Live wild. Stay gold.

(Day 7 of Effy Wild’s blog along)

PS - if you have enchanting and odd stories of your own come to BEWITCHED and tell them! Isabel and I can’t wait!

Read

WOW.