A letter to the past, present, and future men in my life.
My birthday is coming up in two weeks and I am getting the “what do you want because you are so hard to buy for” question again. I have been having this discussion with my people because I am in a relationship with so many Leo’s and all of their birthdays just happened and they get the SAME question.
On some level I get it.
We are of an age where we don’t really NEED anything. We live in small spaces and have very little storage or room for things we don’t absolutely adore. We are pretty indulgent with ourselves as our budget allows and to be honest sometimes when our budget doesn’t allow it but is a NEED and we must have it and even that is rare because it’s not easy to live in Vancouver where more than half my income goes to rent but it is my reality. We are incredibly particular about our style and what we like. Something could be “off” by the slightest, teeniest detail and we won’t love it, wear it or display it.
I get that this can seem intimidating. I do. And while I appreciate the question there are OTHER ways this can be approached.
My birthday falls on the same day every year. It’s never a surprise and it never creeps up on people. It is always gonna be on September 13th so plan accordingly. I am looking at you and by you I mean every guy I have ever dated who fucked up my birthday because I Am HaRd to Buy For.
I covet as a spiritual practice and right now I am very into everything French. My bestie went to Paris a few years ago and described their aesthetic to me and I became deeply smitten so we have been asking ourselves “does this seem Parisienne” with everything we covet. Blame my French grandmother and my Belgian DNA. I really want this boxed set of sheer lipsticks from Violette.Fr because I am obsessed with her style and also these candles because they are bougie and so am I.
There are also the things that are so funny and ridiculous that I can’t POSSIBLY order them for myself. Like this cat people candle or a cameo from Pot Roast. I freely and wholeheartedly admit I am a crazy cat lady but to PURCHASE THESE MYSELF is crossing into a crazy cat lady dimension I can’t go to (yet) as a single, no kids, almost 54 year old women.
Consumables like mani/pedis, indulgent facials, and new plant babies are also a big yes for me.
This has ALWAYS been a tender spot for me because I have heard it my whole life from my family and my unfortunate history of dating cis men and because these men are lazy. They give up on trying without actually trying at all. I am also an exceptional gift GIVER so there is that aspect as well.
My point is I am not hard to buy for. Saying so puts the blame on ME for understanding myself and my aesthetic as well as I do and I refuse to take the blame for knowing myself really well. I will not apologize for my attention to detail for what I put on me or around me and for wanting what I want how I want it. There is ease in shopping for me if you talk to me and ask me questions. It doesn’t have to be a surprise and that’s ok too because of the reasons listed above. Small space, exquisite detail, etc. I would rather something I love and want than a gift just for the sake of a gift. Give me a budget and I will fill you up with things I adore.
I don’t care how this makes me sound either. Don’t ask me what I want, receive a list, then give up because it is too much work. I am worth the fucking work and the time and the money if you have it.
Live wild. Stay Gold.
Thanks for hanging out with me.
xx
This is part of Effy Wild’s September 2021 blog along where I will muse wildly on life.
