1. I woke up early after going to bed late. Nerves. Waiting for a call with the time for tomorrow. I hate waiting. I got caught up on a bunch of things and changed my sheets and tidied up and I need to water my plants because I read somewhere it is best to water them in the morning or at night but not in the heat of the day and I took that in as truth without a fact check because it felt right and made sense to me.
2. I am out of coffee. How did that happen? I have to order from Tim Hortons so I might as well get a breakfast sandwich and a donut because it's Tim Horton's and I am casting off deprivation of anything the day before and in general.
3. My new midnight blue corner is giving me life. I love this part. The puttering. It needs some twinkle lights and I noticed the wings disappear on it at night so I think I will move them because they were the catalyst to so many things. Me flying. The colour scheme to my redecoration. Love for no reason. I don't want them to disappear at night.
4. Day 6 of no supplements and I feel like my skin is too tight. It feels itchy and stretched and inflamed and I want to crawl out of it and turn myself inside out and just be muscles and sinew and bone. Assuming there are still muscles there.
5. Even though it aggravated Sigourney I am so glad I cleaned off my balcony and organized it last weekend because now I am sitting out here in the sun with my just delivered coffee and the birds are chirping and the magnolia tree across the lane is in full bloom and Lola is surveying her queendom and the sun is hot and I missed that heat so much. This moment is worth the pain of last week.
6. six timbits is too many. I don't think you are supposed to be aware of your heartbeat but i am pretty sure I can fly right now.
7. I sent a reminder letter to the Bush kittens on saturday that our weekly call was not a replacement for therapy and people in extreme emotional response completely unrelated to the prompts needed to step out and tend to themselves with the support systems they have in place because that was not the format for me to hold them in that space nor was it the work of the other participants and that this was coaching and witness and communion NOT a designated therapy session and I had anxiety about it all night and then on the call I mentioned my anxiety and everyone there said they were grateful but especially the ones who are therapists and coaches because that reminder meant they didn't have to move into therapist mode and could just be and that made it all worth it and the call was great and we laughed a lot and talked about the prompts and the challenges and the celebrations.
8. There are pink and white tulips beside as I am back inside now cause my mashed potato white skin was burning and they were given to me by That Guy but when he gave them to me he said "I got something for the house" and I looked confused and said "the house?" and he pulled them out of the bag and said "the house because I know you love tulips" and I said "yeh *I* love tulips. My house doesn't have a flower preference so why are they for the house and not me?" and even though that is a shitty response to no reason flowers I wanted to know. He said they are for you and I don't know why I said that so I am still no closer to understanding.
9. I hoard vintage trays. I just added another one to my stash in the bottom of my broom closet. I can't sell them or purge them and i don't know why. I have no horizontal spaces for them to use for vignettes and I don't serve anyone cause I don;t entertain but i like knowing they are there. It's weird.
10. I am sitting here waiting for the doc to call with my surgery time for tomorrow and I just found out my cell phone provider is down for some reason. Like the entire fucking network is down. I found this out because they called my brother who is with a diff network and is my emergency contact and he emailed me cause they have to give me a covid questionnaire so he couldn't just pass on the hospital check in time so he left set and drove over here with his phone. good thing they are filming close to my house. FUUUUCK.
(Day 19 of Effy’s Blog Along.)
I am in Isabel’s Begin Again Writing Sanctuary. It has started but join us for a summer of enchantment + delight in Bewitched.