. a 20 year old orange cat with diabetes looking for a home was posted on my next door app this morning. he had been dropped at a vet in the neighbourhood to be put down but something in his spirit made the vet treat him instead and he is doing well now and living at the vets but the vet would like him to be in a forever home for as long as he has. My heart. i want him so bad. i have already built a schedule around lola’s meds but i don’t know if she is good with other cats. lots of responses from people in the hood offering to give him a retirement home so that made me happy. what is it about these seniors?
. thinking about Sarah Cooper and how she said she was jealous at how men can say anything and they are believed and how she wishes she could bullshit her way through life. anytime I tell a guy about imitation he says its not a big deal and no one can do what i do and while i appreciate the sentiment its more that they can’t comprehend it cause they are always listened to about everything.
. when I say “natural” and “wild” in FBT registration I worry how those words have been twisted by wellness. I don’t mean never shave your legs or shit like that. I mean it as a shedding of conformity and shoulds and supposed to’s. Still writing that page so it’s not a million paragraphs long. I’ll get there.
. I am practicing for a “signs and signals” test at the DMV tomorrow. I got my learners at 13 and my drivers on my 16th bday and because of fuckery and stress here I am RE-WRITING my fucking learners at 52. The time I spent caring for others and letting my own shit slide is so much wasted time. But here I am. Not putting things off and that feels good.
. Watched some weird movie on the weekend about an Arkansas drug lord and there was a line that I paused the movie to write down. One of the drug lord’s workers was killed and the person that found them said what are we going to say? and the dude said “we’ll say he went to Oklahoma. you throw in a couple of details but you don’t worry if the listener believes the story or not. It’s the apathy of authority.” and then the other guy nodded and this goes back to the Sarah Cooper bit. The apathy of authority, How little you care and can shrug off questions if you are perceived to be in authority. there is so much more here to dig into around all these secret messages.
. purge
. i hope this is not the last bit of warm summer weather. I am not ready.
. “Tell me it isn’t magic, the way you heal yourself.” ~ Pavana
. my anxiety has me filling up carts at 3am all over the internet.