. Cutting my hair was a response to a comment from someone who has internalized fatphobia. I thought maybe i was hiding behind it because I am disconnected from myself from my collarbone to my thighs for various medical reasons and with that much hair that is all I see in that area so I cut it.
. And also because I choose me and freedom. That hair held the last breaths of my mother and Nigel, Len, and Stevie. It held the last time I was held by a man. It held two major surgeries and a pandemic where the world shut down and all I do lately is let go. Everything I let go of has claw marks on it and the last "cut" I had was half an inch. So a big change was necessary and my bestie did it while we watched friends re-runs. It is so soft and healthy now.
. I bought a few new things to wear because I am trying to connect back to my body but basically I am curating a wardrobe that is perfect for when I am interviewed by a reporter about the mysterious disappearances of my former lovers.
. "Everything caves under the weight of greed." I heard that somewhere and did not write down where but it is going around and around in my head.
. I questioned doing a year long tour during a pandemic but I trusted my gut and did it and I am getting all these secret messages from it and my bush kittens keep writing me to say how it changed them and I am so glad I went ahead with it. the 2.0 version is in the works.
. I am cat sitting and went over to give them breakfast and they are twin oranges who are in their teen years and they both slowly and sleepily climbed up from the basement like they had been playing video games all night cause their parents are away. It was hilarious.
. My fern might not recover.
. I know I am in a flux period because my screen time was up 24% last week according to my phone and I have been tiktoking my self to sleep every night. Being done with the purge and my redecoration has left me with way more room for other things. Which was the point of it. My apartment is easy to keep tidy and easy to clean. Laundry is easy to put away. There is so much space. Now what?
. I take my aunt vibe seriously and will be the one who snatches you and says CHOOSE YOU but I will do it wearing fabulous clothes and with much love and some comedy.
. question your gurus if you need clarification.
. the friend that ended our friendship on that before and after photos thread sent me a friend request a few weeks ago. I accepted it but then noticed she had me on a filter so I messaged her and asked why. she said that she saw my acceptance of her friend request but didn't know how cause she didn't send me one. I said you must have sent me a request or I wouldn't have anything to accept. she said that was a mistake and she didn't send me one and unfriended me. Which means she was scrolling my wall and accidentally hit the friend request button and didn't realize. So just say that! anyway I blocked her so it won't happen again. I am no longer allowing myself to keep breaking my own heart.