. Took another bag to the thrift and it was mostly empty which is odd for Halloween season (BTW who is having parties this year and why?) so I decided to take a quick look around and because my vintage/thrifting spidey senses are exquisitely tuned from years of practice I spied the corner of a 1970's cotton bedspread hiding behind a giant comforter and when I dug it out it was PERFECTION. The softest peach with white fringe and white circles on it - strange for me cause I never do patterns in my bedroom so we will see - but it pleases my current no sharp edges mindset and will be such a bright spot in the dark grey winter of living in a rainforest and the best part? It was only 5.99
. Then I found a cream crocheted nap blanket and I wondered whose hands made this and was it a gift for someone's granddaughter so I am pretending it was handmade for me from an ancestor. It's just the right amount of heavy. It has long fringe and it's not an itchy fabric because my sensitivities usually prevent my buying these things and I am always jealous of people who have one. Thank you universe grandma. it was 4.99
. I had paid and was about to leave when A Case of You came on and that first line of "just before our love got lost you said" gets me every time so I stayed at the window looking at the rush hour traffic singing softly to myself behind my Stevie Nicks Stand Back mask acutely aware that my hands are full of vintage things to curl up under because I have no one to curl up to.
"Oh you are in my blood like holy wineOh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet Oh I could drink a case of you I could drink a case of you darling And I would still be on my feet Oh Id still be on my feet"
sigh. that fucking song.
. Because my mind is my mind and because I was in a rage at him I transposed a 3 and a 9 again when reading measurements and had a mcm dresser delivered last night that has already been re-listed because of course it's 6 inches too fucking deep for the space I want it to live and it occurred to me that I need to just fucking stop and gather myself for a fucking second and tell him even if he is tired or drunk because the window where he is neither is the size of a flea and this is how I end up with a too big dresser sitting in my hallway and he wasn't this tired drunk guy I fell in love with. that came after he left me but he brought it with him when we needed to save money and it's rocking the foundation i so carefully built.
. There is a young guy in one of my cat groups who is in a depression so almost daily he posts a photo of himself talking about how he is feeling that day and what he did and asks us all to lift him up then posts a photo of his tabby for cat tax and today he said "got a shirt from one of my fave bands whose new record is out 10/30. sat in a park and drank some iced coffee. i feel low again but I'm trying to pick myself up. thanks for all the love on my birthday post. photo of shrimp for tax" and it is the most stunningly simple and beautiful 2-6 lines of a life lived and when people call selfies thirst traps I always wonder why it's so hard to offer water? Don't we all just want to be seen? I comment every time on his posts as do many many others and i think we may be the only community he has and while it breaks my heart i love how up front he is in his asks and the admins are swift with the block and delete of anyone who mocks the regularity of his posts with a snide comment and I hope he never sees those ones and I hope he keeps coming in with his daily selfies and what I did todays and photos of Shrimp the tabby for tax because I don't want him to disappear.
. Miley Cyrus's style right now is everything and I never thought I would say that but here I am.
. it's the prompt I am writing for sunday. I live into every single one so vividly.
. again because my mind is my mind most things I imagine do not exist in real like EXACTLY as I would like them to be which has also translated into a lifetime of being told i am too picky - one of my all time most hated phrases and I wish I had a workshop because nothing so I could build and weld and weave and sew and upholster the perfect pieces and when the too picky people want something I made - because they will and always do - i could tell them sorry, you are not picky enough for these because petty is part of my personality.
. one of my morning supplements has been caught in the back of my throat since I took it this morning and I wonder how there is room for it there with all my unsung songs and massive feelings and also isn't it supposed to dissolve?
From Isabel’s 10 things course.