. "The women who compose me are here." - I read that line from author Sarah Bloom in her New Orleans house tour interview and it has stayed with me ever since. She said her decorating style is one of lineage and everywhere she looks she sees her mom, grandmas and aunts. The woman who compose her.
. I watched a spoken word poem called an ode to thrifting and there was a line that went "So she gifted you, from her tired palms, her oldest blueprints for existing." and it made me cry and made me think about all that the womxn in my life have taught me about how they exist in this world so I could also try to just be in this world. Every time I think about it I get teary again.
. I read an article Staci shared a few weeks ago and there was a line about white women that said "white women are resting in complicity and calling it grace" and I can't stop thinking about it.
. In a movie I watched months ago the two main characters had to tell a lie. Both men in medium positions of power. And one said how do we do this? They will never believe it. And the other said "You just throw in a couple of details but don't worry if the listener believes the story or not. It's the apathy of authority." The truth of that though. The apathy of authority. It's how mediocre white men who are ceo's and cops and presidents get away with so much shit. It's cause they know they are in charge and they don't care.
. In Billy Joel's tour rider he specifically states that the venue cannot sell tickets to the first few rows in front of the stage. He keeps those empty so his crew can pull really excited fans from their less great seats and give them the prime seats. He said it's because "I don't want the front rows to anything I do be filled with privileged fucks." I have never forgotten that and how this world is set up so that the people that can afford it get the best of everything even when they don't love it. They just expect it. When I priced my last few tours I had so much push back that someone who paid less got the same access and level of everything and I just deleted those convos and people without even responding because those I are not people I want to commune with.
. I watched a video on how to cut a pomegranate and every time I hear myself or someone else say they are too much I think about that video. I love pomegranates but it always looks like a crime scene when I eat one. That video showed me that things that seem like they are too much aren't really too much at all. They are the perfect amount of muchness and you just have to know the right way to handle them.
. Roxane Gay tweeted this morning "I am considering a new nemesis" and I really love how she has normalized having a nemesis because I have them and it's ok.
. I did everything I was supposed to do. I had a good job, a savings account, bought a condo and adopted a cat. I had a clear driving record and a stellar credit rating. I put up a Christmas tree every year and I donated to charities and flew home to see my family instead of flying to Paris. I put flowers on the deck every spring and went to yoga 4. I fostered kittens and didn't walk out and leave my drunk friends alone at the bar. I got really good at fucking and fighting and did both often and I have always loved bigger than most could handle. I invited friends to stay and when they left after a few days of long talks and a little peace and quiet to go home and drastically change their lives I helped them move and took calls at 2am and was there to pick up the pieces as they have done for me. (parts redacted - I need a patreon for this part) and here I am, 53, I just opened my first savings account in a long time and my fern looks like it is coming back. I listed a bunch of stuff on marketplace and this week’s prompt in FBT is fucking fire and chapel is on Sunday and my hair is fucking glorious and I am gonna choose me every single day for the rest of my life.
. It is known.
Musings from prompt “the words that roll around and around” from Isabel’s writing sanctuary.