The Coyote Is After Me...

. Working on the Covet prompt for the Full Bush Tour and one of the questions I am asking is what do you covet that isn't real? For me it's always the Acme products from The Road Runner. A portable hole in a briefcase. A paint on train tunnel. I could create havoc on people who are mean to me with both of those.

. Thinking about that time a rock slide made us turn back and we got a (too expensive) room at a Bates motel but played tunes and had beers in the parking lot and had the best talk ever and had great sex and we were so fucking in love it hurts to think about but we got up early and took a different route and drove into the sunrise on a windy mountain road drinking coffee and holding hands and singing out loud and I want to feel that way again.

. Lola is not impressed with my redecoration. She hates change apparently. She is screaming at me more than usual and if you know her then you know she screams a lot for no reason. Guess she has a reason now. Note that it was HER giant cat tree that started it and she handled THAT change very well.

. "What I know is that it's going to be better. If it's bad, it might get worse, but I know that it's going to be better. And you have to know that. There's a country song out now, which I wish I'd written, that says, 'Every storm runs out of rain.' I'd make a sign of that if I were you. Put that on your writing pad. No matter how dull and seemingly unpromising life is right now, it's going to change. It's going to be better. But you have to keep working." Maya Angelou - this drifted past my radar the other day and I wrote it down because it gives me hope.

. I miss hugging my friends.

. I want us all to stop apologizing, right now in this and forever more, about how we look or the state of our homes. I know no one is coming still but we are all doing video. I haven't washed my hair in over a week. I did a face mask that felt good on but after I looked like a lobster for two days and my bathroom needs cleaning. I have a corner filled with marketplace listings stuff and unhung artwork. None of that needs my apology or a disclaimer or an explanation (which I am tempted to write as I write this so you see how ingrained it is). These "standards" that somehow make us worthy or better need to go. Stacy and I talked about this ages ago when we were on video and I felt like immediately apologizing for the mess behind me and I had forgotten about it til now. So no more ok. No one cares and no one is judging. And if they are..fuck em. Seriously.

. Every night when i go to bed I turn down the heat and lock up and set my alarm and plug in my phone and open the drapes for mama moon and as I am doing my skin care ritual I call Lola and say come to bed and she runs into my room yelling and jumps up on the bed and circles 3 times like a dog and settles down ON my pillow in the exact centre of the bed looking so pleased with herself and leaving no room for me. It's our little ritual and it makes me go to sleep laughing because she tries to get "heavy" when I move her and she purrs so hard she vibrates and she is everything to me and I love her.

. Found a gorgeous 70’s teak mirror at the thrift today for my front entrance. I can check that off my covet list.

. We need each other because the wellness train has left the station for toxicville and since this online self care world started I have seen more people feel bad about themselves in an industry that is supposed to make them feel good and it's fucked and maybe this is my next letter. The cliques. The lies. The positivity culture. The erasure.

. I didn’t say you can’t sit with me but I did say I am sitting over there and you didn’t want to come.

(day 3 of Effy Wild’s April blog along.)

A Star is Born...

. Last night Stacy and I watched the 1976 version of A Star is Born with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson. She started it and was texting me screenshots of Bab’s apartment because it was total 70’s style and she knows that is my jam. I got so excited I had to find it and it was not playing anywhere on my streaming so I rented it from Prime. She started it over and we watched together.

. A few observations: Kris never does his shirt up. There is something forever hot about long scruffy hair, a beard, and a guitar. See all the men I have slept with for reference. ahem. Her apartment is everything. Pottery and plants and velvet and sheer curtains and green tile. Their desert house is everything and a stained glass ceiling is now on my covet list. The dress she got married in onscreen was her ACTUAL wedding dress AND ALL OF HER OTHER CLOTHES CAME FROM HER CLOSET. I DIE. I BOW. I SALUTE. Esther forever.

. I might need the poster lol. kinda. maybe. don’t know if I have room.

. Esther is an amazing name and we are now secretly calling Stacy’s kids “the Esthers”.

. The story is both beautiful and tragic. He is a hot mess of success and she is brilliant but unknown. He gives her a chance to shine, they fall madly in love, he sobers up and they are happy. Then he starts to hate that she shines and doesn’t have the time for him -EVIL MANAGER STEPS IN (we hate him in all versions) and he becomes a hot mess again and knows he is ruining her life so he ends his. I know this intimately. And i said to Stacy “it’s so much easier for him to die than change and be happy.” Because really that’s all he needed to do. Change to be happy with her for the rest of his life. I know that sounds flippant and it’s not. Like I said I have intimate knowledge of this. (it is also not a commentary on the choice of suicide so don’t.)

. another observation - she catches him in bed with a reporter. and he doesn’t even give her a MINUTE to be mad as fuck, or process or anything before he is trying to HUG AND KISS her with I’m sorry’s coming out of his mouth. THE SAME mouth that was in bed seconds earlier with someone else. there.is.no.way. I might get over it if I loved him but I have FAR TOO MUCH rage to kiss any man who just had his mouth on another woman.

. the Bradley Gaga one is going down this weekend. I did not cry when I first saw nor did I cry last night but we know I am dead inside so there is that.

Now for news unrelated to a star is born.

. Bewitched. Soft launch announcement coming this weekend but seriously we have created our very own Kellerman’s.

. I like to respond to peoples rants with one word. Balls. I feel it sums up everything and my friends totally get it.

. Jeanette informed me you can change your country on Tinder so excuse me while I scroll Icelandic tinder looking for a Viking.

. Sin is on my mind this long Easter weekend and who better to sin with than my Golden Girl Effy.

(day 2 - Effy Wild blog along.)

Coming home...

. I am letting some really amazing unique one of a kind stuff go on FB marketplace and it’s ok because I have realized that there is good stuff everywhere for me to discover and I don’t have room for these things and they are not organically finding their place in this home I am creating and someone else will love them and they do because they are sending me photos of these pieces in their own homes.

. Letting go used to be so hard for me. I think it’s related to loss. The holding on tightly. The missing of my mom and being in relationship with That Guy and 5 senior cats in 6 years and financial insecurity and friendships that ended and just life. It’s a fucking lot sometimes all the time at certain times. I used to say everything I ever let go of had claw marks on it and I am not sure that is the case anymore. Is this what healing looks like?

. This photo is the view from my desk in the wee studio space I claimed off my kitchen. It’s me metaphorically peeing to mark my territory. I lived with a musician for over a decade and there was always room for studio space and my friend lovingly snatched me and said you work from home and own a business and you need YOUR space. She remembers when everything I did was me balancing my laptop on the arm of the couch. I still work from the couch and my bed but having this desk, and my wee file drawers and floating shelves of all my fave writers and talismanic smalls right next to me is a really good feeling.

. I saw someone offer something and it’s someone i like a lot but I remembered when they posted a request for relationship problems and I responded and then they made fun of my response on their podcast - well their partner did and they said something but still - and I don’t buy from them anymore. Something about being the butt of a joke that is meant to hurt is a sting that never goes away. I don’t find it funny and I am sensitive and that’s ok. I still love her writing but her spaces are not safe for me.

. i rewatch old sitcoms from start to finish because they are familiar and they make me laugh and i know and love the characters and sometimes it is background noise and sometimes I sit down and end my day with them and lately my go to is Seinfeld and the way they cast that show is perfection. I am really digging Kramer right now. No visible source of income. Loves vintage. Hipster doofus. Obsessed with fresh fruit. Levels. Magic with the ladies. Knows how to make an entrance.

. baby bear frolicking videos are my elixir right now.

. forgot how much work flipping vintage is but it’s keeping me fed so I will do it. I always have that skill to fall back on. My mother wanted my fall back skill to be accounting. Maybe she was right lol.

. still wanting to do a subscription special prezzie service. I see stuff all the time and have people in mind but I am not at that level of income yet. I shipped something the other day and it was 42 dollars!

. this year is flying past. it’s April 1st already.

. My swamp witch Effy. Doing her April blog along.

Back to Buddha...

. in my 20's and early 30's I collected Buddhas. There was something about them I loved. I gradually got rid of them all, except one that was my dad's and lived on his bedside table and currently sits on my ancestor altar. I replaced them with Catholic imagery. Mary's and rosaries etc. I have now gotten rid of most of my Mary's and saw this little buddha at the thrift the other day and he told me he should come home with me. So he did. Proof that letting go of things is ok because there is good stuff everywhere and it will circle back around when you need it again.

. This tray sits on my coffee table and is a snapshot of my loves. Moons. 70's brass and black enamel. Plants. Clay pots. Crystals. Buddhas. Foundations. They matter.

. Two of my fave things right now are my galaxy projector and my sun catcher. I am all about finding the light and letting it live in and around me in different ways.

. Thinking about getting a wee printer/scanner. Am I asking for a life time of ink cartridges and hook up pain? I have a space for it in my tiny office studio.

. Should I watch Handmaid's Tale? I haven't seen a single episode because I needed other entertainment over the last few years. But maybe it is time.

. I just started Ginny & Georgia on Netflix. So far it's entertaining.

. a few years ago I bought some amazing vintage folding lawn chairs for my balcony. Weirdly I am not feeling them this year and in my mind I see black rattan with sheepskin covers. Putting it out to the universe.

. Secret messages will find YOU. That is what makes them secret messages.

. I watched Moxie and still believe Amy Poehler and I should be friends.

. Soon.

Azreal dancing at LolaVision disco...

. @azrael_tinypaws is living her best life and dancing up a storm at the LolaVision disco. I am so happy it went to someone who loved it. Lola DID NOT but she has her tree so that's ok.

. She said "I am calling the moon." So will I. And so it is.

. Lola screamed bloody murder though the first half of a coaching call on Saturday. She usually comes in close to the end to remind me I am ignoring her. I apologized for her yelling at the top of her little cat lungs for 1/2 an hour and my lovely client said "Lola yelling is part of the package" and that acceptance felt really good. Cause Lola can get LOUD.

. I read a twitter thread on how men treat women who are or get sick and it broke my heart and gave me rage because it's always the implication it's something WE did and how it inconveniences THEM. I also have lived experience with this so it hit super hard.

. I don't feel rested. I have been having nightmares but waking up suddenly heart pounding and not remembering them. I hope this stops soon cause 3 nights is enough.

. The Bush Kittens.

. Today I will tackle the gallery wall because I need this stuff off my floor. I want an end to this sorting by the end of the week.

. I have a fondness for coffee table books but don't like them on my coffee table. I prefer to stack them on the floor.

. The sun is shining today and the amount my mood is different is palpable. I really need to move to a sunny warm place year round.

. The Cryptonaturalist is my life coach.

Velvet pillow knots...

. I love that we all know each other well enough to hold up random velvet pillow knots and both immediately think of the same person and then go ahead and buy it without getting a text back saying yes/no. because even if it was a no I could keep it and then every time I saw it I would think of that person. Witches of EaVa for life.

. I sent her a pic of Sir Steve in his new place and she said "we need to catch up. I have no idea what is going on with you and I don't like it." Then she said I wish we were in the same time zone. I'd call you in the morning from bed with my coffee.

. Sometimes in order to get the FULL impact of a story you need to report ALL of the details. A story was told yesterday and we were RAGING because M E N and Lee, our fave waiter, asked what was happening and he got allllll the details. He was so sympathetic to the full fuckery that after hearing the story he surprised us and comped her breakfast because...DAMN.

. Lola has added Moon as a middle name after Esmeralda. She did not discuss it with me. Who am I to argue? It's none of my business.

. the light comes back tomorrow. Hibernation is almost over for another year.

. Moira Rose would not be Moira Rose without her clothes.Neither would Alexis Rose. (can you tell I am rewatching Schitts Creek) I really love shows that understand how clothing and accessories tell a story, become part of the narrative, and show parts of a character without dialogue. Rebooting Adorn for spring. I love these convos so much and i know instinctively how to do that.

. Making notes for Purge Tour about how frustrating the end is. When it's only a box of things you love but don't have space for and have to let go of and it's a stack of paperwork and a severely neglected outdoor space. The ending is almost as hard as the beginning when it comes to this process.

. Off time in March will be partly consumed by dentist and taxes. ugh. Forms. I am gonna need prayers.

. April 20.

. The one year into a pandemic memories. So hurtful to so many.

Chaotic vignettes...

. I love chaotic vignettes. Where things are in piles and things are on top of things. Every time I buy an actual bookshelf I end up getting rid of it. Floating shelves I love but bookshelves are not me.

. I have an old black throw from Homesense or somewhere that I have on the end of my bed. Thrifted a million years ago. But it is shedding. Little balls of weirdly shaped black fluff. Every time I see one of the sheds in my bedroom I immediately think it is a spider. I have been shopping for a new black throw but no one makes them. I finally found one yesterday at the thrift. Hand knit. IN BLACK! Why does no one knit black afghans. For those of us who want our nap blankets to match our heart and soul?

. We were talking about taking lovers the other day. And I cannot even imagine. Literally. Meeting a man who is worthy enough to bring into my space. and my bed. I fucking LOVE my bed. My sanctuary. Worthy enough to meet the magic that is Ms. Lola Esmeralda Moon Floof? Never mind my body and my moves and myself. It seems unfathomable to me right now a year into the pandemic.

. My friend Kelly's dentist has a comfort dog and now I must change dentists.

. I was reading reviews on the doc that did my breast reduction and they are raves and I wonder how my experience could be the complete opposite? Every thing that was said I did NOT experience. I might need to write my own just to let go of the grief and pain and rage.

. LolaVision gets picked up today. I sold it to the only one who sent pics of her cat saying "look how cute I am and I promise you I'll send dance photos". I am a sucker for that. The ad is still getting views and I am still getting messages even though it is marked sold. People are asking for commissions. I have to write it all out because it has been a very surreal experience.

. I did make a new friend from one of the perspective buyers and to quote her status "we are going to run away together for obvious reasons".

. "She isn't some tool for you to stroke your ego with. She is a beautiful, fully formed woman. Dazzling in her complexity. Maddening in her mystery. You underestimate her every fucking time and because of that you will never make her truly happy. Truly deeply fundamentally happy. You will try and fuck up and try and fuck up and every time she will smile and take you back." ~ Ray in Girls.

. This weekend is devoted to a lovely client, Chapel with the Bush kittens, my honorary niece, hanging all my art, and clearing my paperwork corner of shame. I NEED IT DONE.

Giant ferns...

. I bought this GIANT fern from the lovely couple that owns this little plant store in my hood. I have never had any luck with ferns. But she is here and I will name her and Niki says to mist her and dance with her so everyone send me good fern vibes and all of your tips please and thank you.

. I have to rearrange my entire living room AGAIN to make space for Fern and because LolaVision is sold so here we go again. This is always a work in progress it seems and i would like it to be done. lol I STILL have my corner of shame of paperwork to clear and the gallery wall to hang. BUT, foundations matter and are self care so I will clear it all up on the weekend.

. Effy is watching Yellowstone and obsessing as hard as us and is reporting while watching and there is a tense scene in season 2 where they have to ride into danger and an Indigenous man does a blessing on the horse for protection. The rider, a white guy, asks him to bless him and he responds "the magic doesn't work on you" and it is a breathtaking moment.

. My desk lamp was a base with an edison bulb - no shade - and I had moved it from the living room to my desk when I created my little studio. I replaced it over the weekend with an adjustable ACTUAL desk lamp - mint green and so cute! thank you fb marketplace - and it has done wonders for my migraine that won't quit. Yesterday I had no headache AT ALL. Praise 8 lb baby jesus because this migraine has been holding on for 2 weeks.

. I went on Pinterest last night for the first time in weeks because my head felt so much better and my feed is full of vintage bombshell photos and I wonder what is going on at the Playboy Mansion now that Hef is gone. Is the grotto a kiddie pool?

. I want bamboo plants for my balcony.

. I am now a month past my cleaning date for the dentist and I have to get over my covid fear and go. ugh. I hate the dentist SO much. I already have massive anxiety because my orthodontist was a sad-is-tic sociopath and the fear is real. Now adding covid to the mix? fuuuuck. How do you do hard things?

. Bewitched.

. I wore my pillow slides out yesterday for the first time. It felt like spring and I hate socks.

. vintage bathing suit cover ups.

My dad loved Herman comics...

. I needed some cocktail glasses and have been looking for a hot minute. Found these vintage Herman comic ones at the thrift for 3.99 the other day. My dad loved Herman comics and he was a rye drinker so I thought this was a sign. I love them.

. I sold LolaVision. There is a love letter coming about this entire experience. It was surreal.

. I am feeling my age because I am surprised at the commentary about how great of an interviewer Oprah is. I have not seen Meghan and Harry's interview yet but I did watch her after school every day or after dinner with my mom cause she taped it daily. I forget that there is a an entire group of people who don't know her like that.

. I AM going to watch the Royals because I love Harry ever since they made him walk behind his mom's coffin and I will never forgive them for that but if he doesn't name the people who harmed his wife I am going to be pissed.

. I love Nick Offerman and have his books and just really dig his vibe (and Megan Mullally too) and subscribe to his Offermans wood shop newsletter and they got called on about their t shirts sizing and how larger sizes needed to be available and the way they addressed it in the letter was great. Made me love him even more.

. Moira's statement necklaces. I would LOVE to have a convo with the stylist who dressed that character.

. Had my first cherry blossom sighting on Victoria drive yesterday. It was the balm I needed. I fucking hate winter with a passion.

. Made new friends through LolaVision and will obvs now go deep into their profiles to get to know them!

. This week in Full Bush is about love languages. Mine are space, ease, simplicity, wild enchantment, and consistency.

. I didn't post about International Women's Day because the hypocrisy of most posts was pissing me off. Present company excluded in this of course. But organizations with huge pay gaps run by middle aged medi-ocre w hi te men and no maternal leave and violence against Black and Trans women and women of colour posting how much they admire women was too much. Performative.

Bear and owl together at last...

. I saw this little bear at the thrift. He had no pepper to his salt. So I went looking for it. Couldn't find it. But I did find this little owl who had no salt to her pepper. I am a fan of unlikely animal friendships so I bought them both and now they are each other's salt and pepper. Might be the best 4 dollars I have spent this year.

. I also bought a random photograph of Marilyn Monroe sitting on the most epic orange patio set ever. I am a strange bird.

. I finally got the prompt done for Full Bush. Only 4 days "late". I have had a meno migraine for dayssss which has severely limited my ability to sit and write. But it gives me anxiety to not meet commitments which doesn't help. and at the same time I teach honouring your capacity and boundaries so I must as well. all over the map over here. How about you?

. Meno feels like a full time job sometimes and I wish we could all have a few years off to do nothing but manage it cause fuck me it can be a lot. When I am in charge of everything I will make this happen.

. The FBT prompt is about what we believe (we are still in hibernation so we are meandering down some interesting paths). The spiritual, political, ethereal, and other things that ground and guide us. I told a story about this little vietnamese restaurant in my hood that is my absolute fave and I hold the belief that their broth heals me. Whenever I feel lost or not like myself I take myself out for a small number 3 - rare beef with noodles - and I come away renewed. Every.single.time.

. Kimberly told me that Beth Dutton reminds her of ME. ME! I died and immediately requested details. Totally made my day because I am channeling her.

. the blackboard wall that used to be a gallery wall is prepped and ready. Filled all the nail holes. I am so excited about having a space to mind map that is large enough to handle how my brain functions.

. working on a one week caftans & gin (a cocktail hour tour) about how our homes can be self care. Aesthetic choices, senses, wild altars everywhere, mood boards, love language etc. It's foundational and supportive in a way that takes self care off a to do list. I have done a few versions of this over the last 7 years and it always evolves and becomes better and better! I am very pleased with myself.

. she hates LolaVision. Even with the comfy cat bed I created in there. Do I sell it? Find a smaller tv and make LolaVision 2.0.

. the things found endearing because thin vs the SAME things found annoying because fat is an indication of your character and entitlement.

Beth & Rip forever...

. . I am obsessed with the relationship between Beth and Rip on Yellowstone. There is a scene where Beth sleeps in and she wakes up to a breakfast Rip makes for her. He sits her at the table and serves it and she says "what about you?" and he says "I ate hours ago." She takes a bite and covers her mouth with her hand while she chews and he gently leans over and removes her hand and her eyes get teary because she trusts him but has no experience being vulnerable and it's so fucking tender and I can't stop thinking about it.

. if you spend your first date(s) talking about how your last relationships ended that sets a different energy. I am an adamant no opening of the ex-files dater. Obviously little bits and pieces will pop up, especially in a co-parent situation but other than that. nope. I don't want to know.

. "At the end of the day a bunch of likes and follows don't make you feel better about yourself. The entire concept of "influencers" is to make you feel worse about yourself. It's to say "look at this lavish life I live, look at these amazing vacations I go on, look at these wonderful products I use. This is not fame. This is an infomercial host hawking a product and it's so fake. The amount of followers becomes the fame." - Fake Famous documentary. so interesting and you should watch because it really tells a story about this culture. It's giving the wrong people opportunities and I hate it.

. I still have that one pile of paperwork to finish. the sloth-like way I am doing this is upsetting but I cannot focus for the life of me and everything I need to complete other things on my list sits in that pile so its a merry go round of fuckery. I loathe paperwork with a passion that makes me want to hurl everything into the sun and go off grid.

. If i was ever on stage for anything my backdrop would be a night sky and full moon. I don't know why knowing that is important but it is.

. Cardi B's IG story of her scrubbing her bathtub before she uses it was the realest.

. I read an abuse story of a wee cat that shattered me and won't leave my mind and I want to hunt the people down but the cat was found in time and is healing beautifully and is in a loving home and has a million adoption requests and the people were charged but I can't stop thinking about it and I want all the abused and forgotten animals to love with me and Lola because Lola was forgotten so she gets it and we will love them.

. I am glad I didn't stay with the text app. I didn't realize how sacred my phone notifications are. I don't have notification on 99% of my apps turned on but texts are always on because that is where my closest circle lives. I realized I don't need to be in touch like that even though I enjoy the messages I get. I will however be starting newsletters again like I did when I wrote weekly. As soon as I clear up this paperwork.

. The next doctor that says BMI to me without a single fucking conversation is going to get cobratothethroat because it is this exact reason I am where I am.

. I wish I knew when season 2 of P-Valley was starting.

Boyfriend Pillow...

. we found a boyfriend pillow at vv last night and he got fresh with Carly. I guess the person who donated it found the real thing.

. I love how hilarious this community is and how everyone is so down for the shenanigans on random hysterical posts. I laughed all day at the draw your soulmate.

. he said "when I get to adopt it'll be the one that's been there the longest" and it's comments like these that I remember why.

. today I taught someone how to parallel park by text and video demo. Someone else asked what I knew about 70's furniture cause she had a walnut.cane bar cart she wanted to sell and I told her everything I knew and she sold it for 250$ in an hour. I also explained the merits of a vintage slip to someone else and why they change who you are. i like putting all my random knowledge to good use.

. thinking about simple acts with powerful consequences

. we want a subscription box but a good one which gets me thinking about the auntie collection again. I don't think canada has a really good one. should we make one? who doesn't like getting things in the mail? I love it.

. 2 long oversized cardigans procured. Now some cowboy boots. Black obviously.

. it felt like spring was really coming today.

. created or inherited?

Turn The Radio On...

. I bought an old clock radio the other day because my mom had a clock radio on the fridge tuned to the adult contemporary easy listening station. It was a station that played everything from the 30's - 70's so it could be Frank Sinatra or Glen Miller or Barry Manilow. I know music is available in so many formats but I am loving this old school radio that doesn't slow down my ancient comp. Next step is an Alexa lol.

. Pain is not a contest.

. I am so over this pandemic. I want to put on a dress and lipstick and grab my people and get drunk and dance and sing an old Jewel song at karaoke and then go eat pancakes in a diner as the sun comes up. I don't drink OR do karaoke so that indicates how over it I am. Friends don't let friends karaoke but I really want to.

. Shared that Patti Smith post yesterday and ran to the thrift as it was opening to drop off more stuff and found a Patti Smith book! I love it when that happens.

. Coveting oversized calf length cardigan coats and chunky sweaters to wear with flowy dresses and cowboy boots. Basically channeling Beth Dutton.

. I have one wall I might do in faux brick.

. I know the light is coming back and spring is just around the corner but there is something about mid February to mid March that makes me so depressed and melancholy. I have upped my rituals and care only because i have yearly phone reminders that tell me to cherish myself and it's (mostly) the time of year.

. Since that guy left Lola is becoming the cutest little lap cat. She walks the perimeter of the sectional and jumps down and head butts me til I put her on my lap. I love her.

. I miss cheese

. "One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is to voyage through time." - Carl Sagan

Let it Snow...

. it snowed allll day and night and it's sticking. It's so pretty but cold. I wish my Uggs had arrived so I could go for a walk before it turns to ice. It felt very nostalgic to watch it come down all day. Made me miss my family.

. my way of dealing with societies fucked up version of who women are supposed to be is to laugh about it and reclaim it. I posted a meme today where the essence was Zoom as a salesperson trying to sell us chins. Cause chins I have - we area jowly people - but on Zoom I have more lol. It was funny to me but I have to remember that laughter and reclamation is MY way of dealing and for other people it could be hurtful. I never want to cross that line and harm anyone.

. flowy kimonos for life.

. I have one more cupboard to put stuff away in now that the stuff in it has been purged and organized and I have some art to hang but then I am done. My love languages of space, ease, and simplicity have been brought to life in this place. Easy to keep tidy. Easy to clean. I have no stuff. I wish I had been at this point forever ago. It's a fantastic feeling even though it was a ton of fucking work.

. Lola's new thing is sitting on my forearm while I pet her with my other hand and she does happy feet on my chest. I am covered in tiny little red marks but she has never wanted to sit on my lap before so I let her.

. Zoom coffee with a friend this afternoon was a delightful way to spend a snowy Saturday.

. I saw a tiktok where a couple married 36 years was listening to a song their son wrote about them and they were holding hands and she used HIS hand in hers to wipe away her tears and there was something about that gesture that was so natural that got me.

. how do handle all the cords hanging from a wall mount tv?

. I need a massage. My bones ache and I slept on my shoulder weird. I swear I am 104.

. Bewitched.

Big Orange Cats...

. That Guy sent me this photo the other day. Tigger was the biggest orange cat there ever was. We were really happy then. Also, where did my cheekbones go?

. Dropped more stuff off at that thrift but came home with a gorgeous vintage trench that is a cross between 70's French girl and Carolyn Bessette Kennedy. I have a thing for trench coats.

. Justin Timberlake made a public apology to Britney Spears and Janet Jackson today but like most of his kind he never said what he was apologizing for. Performative and meaningless.

. Talking spring fashion looks and covets with the EaVa Witches and I could do this forever. Can't wait til we get to the style section of FBT. teehee

. Obsessed with Marisa Tomeii in King of Staten Island. Also obsessed with Pete Davidson.

. still have one and a half boxes of stuff to sort. this fucking STUFF. Fascinating.

. Tigers eye.

. Thinking of deleting all my food delivery accounts.

. Got the supplies to mail out all the bears so that will be happening.

. "Remember that darkness simply requires another way of seeing. Be your own light. And just like that, you'll find yourself everywhere instantly." - Quan Barry, We Ride Upon Sticks

A 70's fern...

. I started watching Firefly Lane and I am not sure I can get over Katherine Heigl - only on ep 1 lol - but I did screenshot this fern because a giant 70's fern is my dream fern.

. There is a certain type of person at the thrift store - usually a w hit e male - who shows up right when the new stuff is going out and will pay no attention to your personal space. Now or pre pandemic. If you thrift you know who I mean. He will bump into you, reach around you, reach OVER you just because he has to get everything first. I dropped some donations off today right when they opened and went in for a wander and got into with some dude who tried to reach around me at the books. We had words.

. it's so cold outside.

. square frames are really hard to find.

. took too much cbd again before bed. could feel my heartbeat over my entire body and had really weird dreams. Looked when I got up and i took the cbd.thc oil and not the reg cbd.

. my ugg's got lost in the mail but I plan to reorder them. Right now I need the refund money more.

. my FB memories were so interesting today. Year after year of posts about new ideas coming to life that became things I am really proud of. This confirms my belief that we need to hibernate like the bears do. It is when the cubs are born and this is the time we need to do nothing and rest and see what comes up for us that needs to be born.

. Carly was telling me how to paint my black board wall today by suggesting I leave an inch border all around and I barely listened because it has been my plan all along that SHE paint my blackboard wall lol

. I had to go to the dollar store today for a few under the sink baskets and I bought a wee old spice because it reminded me of my dad. I keep taking the lid off and sniffing it.

. every time i think of the people he so quickly moved on with I laugh. I am a fucking catch.

Wild Altars Everywhere...

. I turned the wee eating area off my kitchen into my studio/work space. I have never had a "dedicated" office space. High rents and small spaces has always meant a tiny desk next to my bed or couch. Mike hung some floating shelves for me and I now have all of the things that matter most to me right next to me. There is ancestry and lineage here. All the books written by my friends. Evil mini me and mini Lola. I can not express how delighted I am with this little office.

. In my entire apartment reclamation and my purchase of really large furniture - sectional, cat tree, disco - i had the chance to redecorate and rearrange everything and work out my Purge notes and do some fine tuning on that because holy fuck do I have stuff. So much stuff. All the stuff. But I don't anymoooooreeee.....

. Going thru all the stuff and deciding what to vignette and what to sell/give away I realized I have a lot of anatomy related items. sculpture and pottery. Hands and lips and noses and bellies and skulls. All human. I don't know what it is but I am immediately attracted to it.

. There is also snakes and jungle cats. hmmm

. and.so.many.rocks.

. I watched the Fresh Prince Reunion on Crave and I cried. I really like that they brought back the original Aunt Viv.

. I read an article about Mandy Patinkin and he said when he met his wife of 43 years she invited him to dinner at her tiny walk up in NY and she stored her sweaters in the oven and didn't realize the bacon on bacon wrapped chicken had to be cooked and he said he felt like he had lost his mind and he was totally knocked out by her. I want someone to feel that way about me and all my weird.

. I am in a group (not mine) where sometimes when someone is going thru something I give advice and suggestions (with consent) and I feel like I ramble on and on and on and I am having a tough time with that considering that the response always blows me away and I don't know where my feelings I have said too much are coming from. It's pissing me off.

. I want a papasan chair for my balcony to curl up and read in when it gets nice out and if you have ever curled up in such a chair you will get this. Now I have to google if they are still called papasan chairs cause I am thinking maybe not. eep

. in weird secondhand finds group there is a poster who is digging up her yard to do landscaping and she is sharing everything she finds like old axes and sheriffs badges and all this super cool stuff and I am obsessed.

. I love that I have friends who hold grudges with me forever at people who are fake and I know that together we will never forget their shenanigans. it pleases me to know this.

i.am.over.it...

1.I am at the point in my purge/apartment reclamation that I hate everything. This is important to note and i have added it as a section to the PURGE tour notes. When I get to the final bit and find myself searching storage solutions and things feel nostalgic and the sentimentality is like A DRUG and the remaining piles sit there like they HAVE ALWAYS DONE and then the frustration that turns to rage that turns to paralysis it means I am close. To completion. If I am looking for storage then I don’t need any of this. If its nostalgia I need to feel it. It’s STUFF but the story of stuff consumes a large part of all our lives. I think I may have the solution.

2. I am obsessed with everything Beth Dutton and if you have not watched Yellowstone do so immediately. Her clothes, her fire, her romance with Rip. OBSESSED. The Witches of EaVa all watched it together from our respective apartments and I can’t even describe how I looked forward to these hours every night where we would hit play at the same time and discuss by text the entire time.

3. I have to move FBT. I made a decision out of fear of being FB banned when I chose IG and it’s not user friendly for this many people. Course correct time.

4. Maybe if we were a society that believed women and if men were held accountable for harm then women would come forward sooner because the narrative i am hearing around “why did she wait so long to say something” (that happens EVERY FUCKING TIME) is gonna make my head explode.

5. I am not a minimalist. PURGE is not about that. Or about organizing.

6. I love bowls.

7. Are the days getting longer or is just me?

8. “It’s hard to measure almost because almost doesn’t matter”. That is a line from Rip on Yellowstone and it keeps going around and around in my head but I have yet to decipher this secret message.

9. Where the fuck did January go. That Guy’s shenanigans sent me into a tailspin and I can not afford - literally or metaphorically - to be spun by the tail. Fuck it. I am UNAVAILABLE. I choose me.

10. I turned my wee dining area into my work space. I needed room for LolaVIsion and it’s nice to separate them even a tiny bit. I don’t own a dining table so this space was empty and I ordered shelves from Ikea that are being delivered on Friday because I don’t want to go to public places right now. I am excited about setting it all up.

ok. Maybe I DON’T hate EVERYTHING.

The early bird special...

1. Had a mammogram today that i had to fight my doc to schedule. They took images. Called me back in for more images. Called me back in for an ultrasound. Said they’d call. My displeasure at having to constantly advocate for myself is unparalleled.

2. I needed sustenance so Carly and I went to our fave Vietnamese place for Pho. At 4 pm. Early bird special.We were the only ones there. Welcome to my future.

3. Sometimes being a one woman show in everything is exhausting. Especially in prep stage. Like now with That Guy moving and me reclaiming my space and getting my new tours sorted and anxiety around my current tour (platform not material. That part fucking rocks) and cleaning and laundry and groceries and meal prep and bills and i don’t have my rhythm yet in truly being alone but its already so much better than when he was here.

4. My day-timer has been here for 4 days and I am already feeling more like myself.

5. What heals you? I want to know.

6. Watched AOC’s live on what happened at the capitol and it was an hour that everyone should watch.

7. We are at the point of winter that if the sun does come out it reaches so far into my apartment it fills up Lola’s disco. I want her to sunbathe in there.

8. The hours of sleep I require these days to function is off the charts. I am getting a MINIMUM of 9 hours dead to the world sleep each night and I am so thankful cause it felt like I barely slept in January.

9.on a new supplement starting today. I’ll see how it goes.

10. Jenny Jinja is doing a wee spirit cat plushie and I really want one for all my rainbow bridge familiars.